The Takeaway Box - Let Them Eat Biscuits
Tales from the Table – Let Them Eat Biscuits
Last time, I promised you stories from the room. Today’s tale is still one of my all-time favorites. Details are changed to protect the people involved, but the themes are still accurate. The food choices, however, are not changed. They’re too delicious to mess with.
Years ago, I was mediating a workplace dispute involving a former employee who wanted to return to their job with accommodations. The case had all the usual heavy ingredients: policy changes, backpay, future pay, and legal posturing. Then, early in the day, the employee leaned in and said, with complete sincerity:
“If they want me to sign off on this, they have got to buy me lunch at Country Buffet. Have you ever been there, Andres? OMG, the food is so delicious. And filling.”
Opposing counsel shut it down immediately. Hard No. We kept working anyway. The defense improved the proposal. The deal started taking shape. A few hours later, we circled back, and the employee tried again:
“Okay. But if they want this deal done today, I need a meal from Taco Bell.”
Again hard no from the other side. More movement on the serious terms. Still no deal.
Here’s the twist: the employee hadn’t eaten all day and this mediation had been going on for hours. I reminded him grab food more than once. He wouldn’t budge. His attorney stepped out for a quick sandwich.
By early evening, the defense pushed for a clean break and put a separation agreement on the table. The employee was nodding. He liked the terms. Everyone was close. And then, with perfect timing, he delivered the final boss move:
“There’s no way I’m signing this… unless they agree to buy me dinner at Red Lobster. No deal without Cheddar Bay Biscuits?”
I carried the message to the other side. Long pause. Counsel sighed. “Fine,” they said. “Red Lobster it is.” And just like that, the case settled with a side of biscuits.
Funny story, yes. But it’s also a revealing one. Those “small” demands weren’t really about food. They were signals: dignity, control, being heard, and testing whether anyone was paying attention. Maybe it was a test—like the old Van Halen “brown M&Ms” story. Not because they hated brown M&Ms, but because it showed whether anyone paid attention to the details.
Or maybe… he was just hungry.
The Lesson for You
One of the most useful negotiation insights I’ve seen is how much results can change based on a tiny framing shift: an offer vs. a request vs. a demand.
Research out of Columbia Business School found that the same proposal lands very differently depending on whether you frame it as an offer or a request, because “requests” trigger concession aversion (“you’re taking from me”), while “offers” highlight gains (“here’s what you’re getting”). People are naturally more receptive to offers because they focus on gains rather than losses. Requests provoke a resistance, which makes negotiation more difficult. This research suggests that how you frame a proposal matters tremendously. Even when the substantive content is identical, phrasing it as what you’re offering rather than what you’re requesting can lead to significantly better outcomes because it changes the experience for the other party.
That played out in this mediation in real time. The employee framed it as a demand: No deal without Red Lobster. Demands create bristling. They trigger resistance. They sound like loss and coercion.
So I reframed it cleanly and neutrally as an offer:
“Here’s what he’s offering. If the institution includes the dinner, he’s ready to sign today and put this behind everyone.”
Same substance. Different frame and radically different outcome. The institution became more receptive, because it sounded like a solution, not a threat. It felt like closure they could choose, not a concession they were being forced to make.
Takeaway Box
Don’t mock the “small stuff.” It’s rarely small. It’s often a message about dignity, control, and trust.
Translate demands into offers. “No deal unless. . .” becomes “Here’s the offer that gets us to signature today.”
Stay engaged after the first rejection. A mediator’s job isn’t just to relay numbers; it’s to keep the process human and workable.
Never negotiate on an empty stomach. Hunger is a terrible co-counsel.
If you’re dealing with a stuck dispute, whether it’s employment, civil rights, education, internal conflict, insurance, discrimination, or something sensitive and high stakes, reach out. Sometimes the missing piece is not the money. It’s the Cheddar Bay Biscuits.